How can couples fighting be resolved?
This technique can be used for anyone who has trouble in relationships and heals your relationships with your parents, kids, siblings, friends, etc.
This technique can be used for anyone who has trouble in relationships, esp with romantic partners (derived from emotion-focused couples therapy). However, you can always modify and use the difference will be the pattern of communication with the concerned person in the relationship. This technique to heal your relationships with your parents, kids, siblings, friends, etc. The only difference will be the pattern of communication with the concerned person in the relationship.
Steps to be followed for relationship healing:
1. Identify the blame frame also, pay attention to feelings and emotions. Do listening and understand their feeling very well.
2. Identify limiting beliefs if any (including cognitive distortions) behind those feelings, then comfort those beliefs.
3. Identify the communication pattern with you. Is the communication open and honest? Are there blame games?
4. Identify the needs hidden underneath the blame frame.
Example-"my husband is so engrossed in his work that he hardly spends time with me. It's been years and I can't take it anymore". Need is to spend more time with husband, so this needs to be communicated to the husband in an effective manner that will invite his participation. Hence it can be seen that unmet needs cause tension in relationships. Thus the presupposition of every behavior of having a positive intent can be reinforced with a partner.
5. Enhance communication-
a. Replacing "YOU" sentences with "I" sentences- leads to doing away with blame and taking responsibility for one's feelings (for example- instead of saying You hurt me so much, you could say I feel hurt when you seem to ignore me);
b. Expression of needs- using thoughts and not sentiments (as discussions on the line of emotions lead to arguments, due to pent up emotions); hence, urge your client to sit down with the person concerned and talk about how to handle their relationship, without
getting involved in emotions at that time.
c. Inviting and requesting the partner to participate in the fulfillment of those needs- instead of demanding those needs to be met, it is always better to request the person to fulfill those needs, by asking him to participate in the healing of that relationship, while of separation, this step will work well.